Being Alone, Not being Lonely
I've said on the show before, when I give advice to any friend who is unhappy with a relationship or marriage, I always suggest some time alone. A breather before any decisions are made. Lately, I've needed to take some of my own advice.
In my opinion there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. Do you beg to differ? Then maybe you're not seeing aloneness as an opportunity. The time in-between being a social diva to be creative in your own space...be alone with your thoughts and reinvent your goals, tweak your outlook and re-adjust your attitude. I like to call it "Tiffany Time" for those who know me.
Moving to a city where I didn't know a single soul has gifted me many quiet moments. However, at first, I caught myself losing that gift by filling every moment with visitors, travel, or phone conversations. Partly in order to not let my close friends and family feel like this would change our relationship, and also still being so close to MN, everyone wanted to come to visit. It was a cursed blessing in a way because I need to give myself a "time out" here and there. Now that things have relaxed a bit, I've been reminded to be present to spending time by myself. Perhaps it's because I'm reading a book with that very focus. Or maybe it's because I haven't had much alone time with my schedule until now. I'm guilty as I know many of you are, that I tend to book myself crazy and although I thrive on the work I do, multitasking and social outings, I need my Tiffany Time too--to regroup, refresh, and refocus.
One of the books I'm reading right now was given to me from my cousin. Its purpose is to assure me that my decisions are sound and I'm OK with my independence. I've been repeatedly reassured from the first 4 chapters, I already am in the place I want to be! I have changed tremendously as a woman in the past 4 years becoming a very independent person. My experience in the public position of Miss Minnesota started much of it by teaching me so many things that some people never have the chance to learn in lifetime, I'm incredibly grateful for that experience. Also, I am a firm believer that EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO LIVE ALONE AT SOME POINT IN HER LIFE BEFORE GETTING MARRIED - and through my own experience with that I've owned myself in a new way. I've learned who I really am.....quietly..... when no one is watching...when I'm not focused on a relationship-- when I'm simply, alone. Best of all, I've learned to love that person and be OK with not needing someone to take care of me. I can fix things, hang pictures, and do handy work without my brothers or guy friends to help! Once you've learned those things, discovered you're OK with yourself, it's then you define who you can be with another person.
Here is a quote from the book I'm reading that might inspire you to take some time for yourself before the summer gets crazy. Time to hear your own thoughts, listen to your heart, take in the beauty of the Lake and be present to your place in life. Perhaps its just taking a moment to realize how blessed you are to have all you have when so many out there have so little. Enjoy.......
"Aloneness is an opportunity, a state brimming with potentiality, with resources for renewed life-not a life sentence. Its cultivation should not be an apology but an art. In the space of aloneness--and perhaps only there - a woman is free to admit and act on her own desires. It is where we have the opportunity to discover that we are 'not a half' but a sovereign whole. With that insight, we can then begin to discard the remnant of 'thingness'--the spoiling belief that gives rise to our timidity, insecurity, and fear---so that we can realize true autonomy, with or without a partner." --- Florence Falk, ON MY OWN
Comments
I found after a failed relationship, that I needed an outside perspective to show me that it takes two to make something right or wrong. As well, it takes two people who understand the meaning of commitment to strive to make a relationship work. Each plateau that we reach is like a stepping stone to success. If we allow the winds of time to stop or stifle a relationship, then we will continue that breach in relationships after.
Have you ever heard the expression, running in a vicious circle? At the first sign of trouble we run. We doubt both ourselves the the other person. We judge someone unfairly, comparing that person to the last relationship we had, instead of taking them on their individual merits.
Thus, we find ourselves not just being alone, but lonely too.
I found after a failed relationship, that I needed an outside perspective to show me that it takes two to make something right or wrong. As well, it takes two people who understand the meaning of commitment to strive to make a relationship work. Each plateau that we reach is like a stepping stone to success. If we allow the winds of time to stop or stifle a relationship, then we will continue that breach in relationships after.
Have you ever heard the expression, running in a vicious circle? At the first sign of trouble we run. We doubt both ourselves the the other person. We judge someone unfairly, comparing that person to the last relationship we had, instead of taking them on their individual merits.
Thus, we find ourselves not just being alone, but lonely too.
I found after a failed relationship, that I needed an outside perspective to show me that it takes two to make something right or wrong. As well, it takes two people who understand the meaning of commitment to strive to make a relationship work. Each plateau that we reach is like a stepping stone to success. If we allow the winds of time to stop or stifle a relationship, then we will continue that breach in relationships after.
Have you ever heard the expression, running in a vicious circle? At the first sign of trouble we run. We doubt both ourselves the the other person. We judge someone unfairly, comparing that person to the last relationship we had, instead of taking them on their individual merits.
Thus, we find ourselves not just being alone, but lonely too.